Homework Wars – Art Scam Exposed!Posted: June 6, 2013
Boys mate has Super Nanny. Super Nanny’s been with him since he could gurgle. It’s a fact that she’s the best Nanny in the world with the only exception being Boys first Nanny; Nanny Perfect. Nanny Perfect packed her bags and flew away on the wind when Wife and I decided one of us should really take the lead in bringing up boy. The birds bring us news of her sometimes, she’s dong very well and looking after girls now….. Anyway to the point of the story:
Super Nanny is great, when Boy has playdates she collects him from school then has a relaxing afternoon making up games for them, colouring and playing football. When I pick up Boy I take a seat at the breakfast bar, drink lots of Mates mums coffee (The good stuff) scoff lots of Mates mums cookies (The expensive ones) and hear about their playdate. This time the Coffee was slow in coming. The reason; Super Nanny was being Super and completing Mates homework for him. I NEVER DO THAT FOR BOY I scoffed. (Please forget Boys Night Park!).
Jealous of the work Super Nanny had put into Mates homework I rushed home and made the Golden Violin Mace. An improvised violin made from a broom, tennis ball and a £20 set of violin strings I purchased on the way home. Proud of my creation I let Boy spray it gold to finish it off (And so he could say he made it!). We got more WOWS than anyone in the playground the following day!
Now you may take away from this story that none of our Kids in North London do any of their own homework and perhaps on the art front that could be true…………….from one point of view.
However in the greater context of Art: Damian Hurst has a whole studio of workers churning out work, (I suspect sometimes when he’s not there.) I bet also that Pollock once let Miss Krasner finish off a couple of his paintings. Who would know – Right??? So I see Super Nanny, Myself and all the other parents and nannies out there following this Artists Assistant route as being progressive. After all Boy as hes already proved with his Wold Longist Hair that his work is important. Why when he’s producing work of that calibre on his own would I let him sully his hands with making a simple musical instrument. After all would you ask a 12 year old Mozart to play chopsticks!
Wife would say: Simon you are vicariously reliving your schooling failures through Boy. Your art was rubbish at school which is why you’re looking for your son to get top marks.
I would say to Wife: Dam right…..I’ll get it right this time…..I’ll get three stars….That will show them all I should have had A’s rather than consistent D’s. I blame my mother, she’s rubbish at drawing…..