We’re just about to start a new load of decoration work in the flat and after the fun of designing and building a kitchen from scratch last year I decided to breath life into a little idea I had for the bathroom floor before the team arrives to do the main job.
My 10p floor is made up of 3300 ten pence coins glued with Queen facing right to a floor I levelled, grouted and sealed myself. Four long days of back breaking work but as with all creative works the appropriate amount of effort always yields the right reward. As our small bathroom floor will if a burglar ever calls with a pickaxe! Looking forward to seeing Boys face when he returns from his week away. Thats your inheritance i’ll tell him!
We uncovered the strongest evidence of Time Travel yesterday when we spotted what seemed to be a Blackberry mobile phone on the kitchen table of the house at Waltons mountain. Boy thinks that Dr Who could be responsible.
When Wife gets it in her mind she wants to do something unless you have jewellery in your hand its hard to deflect her onto something else. The other day she woke and said “Tower of London” my heart sank. It’s hot, it’sthe middle of the school holidays, the city’s heaving with tourists. This is not a time to go to any of the main city attractions. This is a time to hang out with friends, read papers and throw the occasional cup of ice cold water at Boy. We go to the Tower of London and I know exactly what we will be doing: Queueing!
In the UK there is no such thing as a fun queue:
We’re born and our birth is registered – we queue
We have school dinners – we queue
We go to the post office – we queue
We go to the bank – we queue
We go to legoland – we queue
We die and our death is registered – we queue
So we go to the Tower of London – we queue many times:
The first queue 20 mins to get the tickets.
The second queue 30 mins to see the crown jewels.
The third queue 20 mins in the White Tower to see the armour.
The forth queue 1 min for a coffee.
Thats a total queueing time of 71 mins. Of the 150 mins we spent at the Tower nearly half of them were spent in queues. Compare that to Disney Florida. We stayed in a Disney hotel so were in the parks an hour before the mad crowds arrived. We spent 3 hours in each park, survived all the rides and never queued longer than 5 mins. In total for a whole week at Disney we probably spent less than 30 mins in a queue. (There was the 70 mins for the Harry Potter ride but thats Universal not Disney and there was the 30 mins to register Boy for the Jedi Training Academy but that was something exceptional, not a ride queue per-se and we were second in that queue waiting for the registration to open. We are keen parents!)
Do the math and you find that in the tower of london we spend 47.33% of our time in queue vs. only 3.33 of our time at Disney.
My argument the next time Wife wakes up in August and says lets hit a major attraction in the height of the London tourist season:
You’ll be 44% happier if we just go to Disney. I’ve got the figures to back it up!
I thought it was odd a couple of days ago when Mate texted “Could I bring Mango over to you for a couple of weeks?” Thinking friend drunk I gaily replied “Cool always love a Mango!”. Yesterday Mango came. Turns out Mango is a Hampster which I’d inadvertently agreed to look after while Mate and family topped up their tans at some glamorous location.
We’d only been in charge of Mango for 8 hours when he went missing from his cage. HOLY CRAP! Boy had been playing with the furball and left the cage open. “MANGO WHERE ARE YOU” The shout went out. I think our individual responces gave interesting insight into our personalities:
Me: Conducting a room by room search. Moving large items of furniture while thinking about how I break the news to Mates little ones that we’ve lost their little loved one.
Boy: Following me about with Mangos favourite food whispering “Here Mango Mango, Here Mango Mango”
Wife: Getting on with her morning proclaiming as a matter of fact “Well he’s gone now, where are we going to get a new one from? What colour was he?”
Boy however came up trumps. Standing still in the middle of his bedroom listening he detected Mango behind his dressing up chest. This moved revealed the little golden one sitting on top of a discarded chess board with a look on his face which read: “Rumbled“.
Boy promtly rewarded mango with a snack of his favourite food. A stern lecture followed about responsibility followed by my writing of this post as a warning to friends: DON’T TRUST US WITH MANGO!
Over the weekend I took axe to the London Denim archive and cleared out to textile recycling over 200 wash and customised jean samples. I re-discovered a stash of other London Denim T’s. Some of which never made it into the collection. Have given them all to Boy. Boy choses his own clothes so I had a nice surprise when he rocked up to the Kitchen this morning in the Speaker T! Made 7 years ago by glueing 2000 silver nail heads onto a silk cotton jersey….Brain numbing work which I still have nightmares about. (That year I placed over 2 million little pieces onto clothing, I’ve just about recovered)
Introducing Weapons Around your neck. A new idea in wearable weapons for boys from Boy.
The Launch Collection includes:
1. Dagger – £1.00
2. Bow and Arrow – £1.50
3. Blue and White Great Sword – £1.00
4. Pistol with Bullet Firing and Muzzle Flash – £1.00
Each comes in a limited edition of 2. They feature weapons designed and constructed in Boys North London artisan studio hand strung with standard white string and knotted using the unpaid slave labour of dad.
To place your order please send an eMail and we will send a PayPal Invoice.
Delivery is exta – the price of a 2nd Class Stamp, envelope and walk to post box -50p
Genuine Hama Beads
British Design and Craftsmanship
Made in the UK
Contains small parts – not for babies or small children
No bunny rabbits or other fluffy animals were harmed in the making of these weapons.
Always use WEAPONS ROUND YOUR NECK responsibly.
Wife screams “YELLOW CAR” and jabs at the air in the direction of her target. In what was probably the most dangerous driving experience of my life the whole of our little family became embroiled in the most competitive game on the planet: YELLOW CAR. Causing family feuds, arguments and verbal abuse we played the game to a point where we all had to agree to stop for the benefit of our relationship. It was only then we discovered the game has a twist in its tail: Once you start – you can’t stop!
How to play the game
Drive or walk along a road. If you see a yellow car you:
1. Point your finger at it.
2. Shout at the very top of your voice YELLOW CAR. If you are first this gets you a point.
3. Like the umpire in tennis you instantly recount the score for everyone playing.
If you don’t shout it does not count.
The car has to be yellow not gold or beige.
There are no winners – there is only the person currently in the lead.
When do you stop playing yellow car?
You never stop. Once you start this game you are playing it for life. This we found was unfortunate in the following situations:
1. At Mevagissy driving along the harbour wall with a sheer drop and Wife spots a yellow car the other side of the harbour. She shouts yellow car so loud that I think I’m going to hit one of the tourists and nearly swerve off into the sea.
2. Wife and Boy get so dissalusended with my success in the game they decide to team up and are instantly in the lead by 10 cars. Naturally I get the hump and don’t speak to anyone for 10 minutes causing them to increase their lead by a 2 cars.
3. When you pass a full supermarket car park and the driver takes their eyes off the road to scan the hundred or so parked cars.
After these situations I ordered the car to stop playing but immediately broke my own command when a little yellow mini appeared in my rear view mirror. Once you start you just can’t stop…….
We arrived home and the following day Wife took Boy and his mate on a walk to the park. Returning they stood in my studio doorway and recounted all of the yellow cars they had seen on their way too and from the park. I protested that I was not even there at the time…. This however does not matter I thought as Wife announced the new scores. A plan was forming in my devious mind…. Wife has now returned to work after our holidays, boy and friend are in a summer camp and working at my computer and I have access to Londons road camera network: